CNN headlines written by 5th grade journalism students

I dare you to make less sense than this headline that was one of the CNN top stories this morning: Oprah, Energizer Bunny on girls' hit list, cops say [CNN] What could this be about you ask? It sounds like someone's lost their IPOD and the cops are sending out APB's with their hit lists in a half-hearted attempt to recover it. But, no no. You will perhaps be surprised to find out that this headline is actually about some high school girls in Tennessee who were arrested for attempted homicide when they made a list of people they would like to kill. Well obviously, they must be serious if they put the energizer bunny on it- wanting to kill such a lovable furry creature surely must require arrest and at least a 2 year stint in juvi. Are you kidding me!?!? What the hell is wrong with CNN. Perhaps you will be surprised to find out, based on the headline that the girls actually wanted to kill real people too, their classmates. So although I understand Oprah and the energizer bunny were on the list, I'm pretty sure the important part here is that they wanted to kill real people too. Well not that Oprah isn't real or anything, but she is rich enough that I'm pretty sure she could avoid being the target of a well-planned assassination by some 13 year-old girl with pinacolada-flavored lip gloss hanging from her neck.

Vacation doesn't suck

So while you were stuck at the airport on your way home to Suburb, Suckage I was here- in that picture. Before you wet yourself with jealousy thinking about your week at home enjoying a refreshing pale yellow drink of eggs, heavy cream and cheap brandy I should remind you that you too could have gone here if you wanted. This year instead of cramming 20,000 pounds of food down all my orifices and calling it relaxation I chose instead to go someplace where the food is actually good, the weather doesn't make me want to kill myself and activities are not limited to daily trips to the foot locker. Anyway, I digress. What I really wanted to say was I'm back, happy new year, martin luther king jr. day, etc and so on and I will post regularly again for those of you who wondered including blogthusiast305 who should know by now not to call my house after dark because my mom is scared and the restraining order is clear. But I guess I am a little flattered so fine you can continue your unauthorized biography of me.